Category: the Rant Board
I'm not even sure I'm going to stay with Mr Spongebob, but I know our daughter will miss him so I do try to suck up and deal. I just don't want the same things he does. He enjoys spending time with friends from the old country more than with me anyway, and I am no longer open to his native culture or any expatriate friends, too many language barriers, too many cultural barriers. We have a house guest now, and I don't enjoy having overnight guests that aren't family.
I have my one friend who works in another department, and maybe he's all I need or want. He's one of those friends to have a crush on, but I'm not doing or planning to do anything about that. We don't have contact with one another outside of work, and that's how I like it.
Anytime I have taken a risk on a female friendship, the benefit of the doubt has been thrown back in my face. One, when I was having trouble, was right there by my side, but when I had my baby and went back to work and didn't complain didn't like that. She is miserable with her life and all the kids she had, so she started putting down my daughter..."She's slow compared to my kids and grandkids..." Um, this is a G E D holder, my pediatrician for her has been in practice since the '50's. I'm supposed to trust a G E D holder who went without an outside job for a long time and whose kids have nothing going for 'em?
Another I noticed rejected any dinner invitations I issued, yet always had my phone number handy when she wanted to borrow something. I don't care about small stuff, like hey Spongebob I've run out of milk for a recipe, can I have a cup? Or do you have aspirin or a small amount of money if I know someone is really struggling, but she asked for use of everything from a credit card (denied) to our vehicle. She lives accross the street from a bus stop. Very entitlement minded, started going behind my back to Mr Sponge when I started denying requests. One time came up with this cock and bull story about how her daughter was sick in her college dorm and she couldn't afford to pay the bill for an ambulance, could she, if hospitalization was required, have a ride or borrow our car? *&^%$*) Where is this girl's sperm donor, a k a 'friend's' ex husband? I know where he is, in the neighboring town. Why isn't he being charged with his own daughter's care?! Sure, this woman baby sat for us, but is she entitled to every *&^*_ thing in our lives? I set Mr Sponge straight on that one. You don't pay for ambulance service like a bus or cab ride, you get sent the bill later, she was just looking for a free ride as usual. Now her # is on my cell phone display. Probably her college age daughter is in the area and wants to see Mimi. Um, Mimi is a little girl, not the Pope or the Dalai Lama. I don't want to return the call even got a text message from her. I don't text.
So yesterday I go to my sewing circle. Turns out when I was last there people took 'great offense' to remarks I had made previously. We were talking about stuff that at one time was stigmatized, but now people aren't as nonforgiving about, like divorce. Owner of the shop had a gay male friend, and her mom got particularly nosy, and she told her something like, "Why mom, do you want to sleep with him?" I replied that the only way I would have a problem with something like this, which I consider not my business, would be if I needed something like a blood transfusion and a non abstinent gay male was offering, to which these women took "great offense". Excuse me, I didn't express interest in snubbing or killing a gay male, I treat them as i do straights, but I would have trouble with blood offered by such a person, that's offensive?? Some viruses take 6 months to a year to pop up positive, and HIV/AIDS is still a big problem among gay males. I deal with an account professionally whose patients are almost all gay males with AIDS. My friend said it didn't bother her, but if people stopped coming to sewing circle, that was a financial loss for her, so I said I'd let them have their circle and see her on an individual level, I didn't want to cost anyone's livelihood, but if that is how folks are, I'm not interested and I'm not apologizing. I was starting to get bad vibes here anyway, one woman is particularly pushy, even the owner speaks ill of someone who comes on a regular basis. If the other woman is alcoholic and not hygienic and a mental case, why are you still in contact?
Fought with Mr Sponge, icing on the cake was when Mimi couldn't wait to go to the bathroom while at the park and just peed there. Honestly, the playground in an area with a lot of illegal immigrants and folks on public assistance has a bathroom, but if a child in Winthrop has to go while playing, tough *&^)?! There are no facilities. Sorry this is so long, but I really did have a bad day.
what is GED G E D holder,?
G E D is a General Equivalency Diploma, for those who for whatever reason dropped out or never made it to high school here and want a high school degree. It's admirable, but it's not equivalent to a pediatrician whose been practicing for 50+ years. Also, this woman claims to have been a nurse in the old country, and I have reason to believe she is exaggerating based on her level of knowledge. Nurse's aide? Maybe, but nurse, I don't think so.
Have you spoken with your husband about these things? Open communication, as I'm sure you know, is the key in any relationship be it friends or partners. I always say that it's better to try and work things out before leaving, and of course, it's usually better if a child can be brought up in a two-parent home. But there are certain cases, abuse being the most obvious, but also plain unhappiness or incompatibility, wherein it's not a good idea to stay. I know a few men who stayed with their wives for the sake of the children an they wound up miserable. No one deserves that. Since you mentioned it, what are your cultures?
As for the friends, having a GED doesn't make you a bad person and neither does not working. But the situation changes when, for no reason, someone puts down your children. I wouldn't be friends with someone like that either. Wow! Entitlement-minded doesn't even begin to describe that. Money, credit card? It's one thing to get things from the government if the law says you can but no one should ever ask those things of a friend or go behind that friend's back. I'd dump someone like that. Normally, I'm a huge gay rights advocate. But you didn't say anything wrong. Whether I agree with your opinion or not, it's simply an opinion, and the fact that you respect gays in general says alot about you. I sure as hell wouldn't want blood from an ex-junky. Now both the gay man and the ex-junky (say someone who hasn't touched drugs in many years) could be completely clean. But it's our right to say that we don't want their blood. Is this a small park that there's no bathroom or is there at least a store or place nearby where she could've gone?
like Eleni said, I'd recommend talking to your husband before you make a final decision. open communication is always best no matter the case; I hope it works out for you, whatever happens.
Thanks for the supportive words. BTW, I am native born of German/English, maybe French descent, husband is from an indigenous tribe in Algeria. We are both speakers of French, and I have visited his native country and had zero problems with them there, but when they settle here? That is another matter.
I got interested in Islam some years ago in the south from Asian Indian practitioners of the faith. There is a kindness, and industriousness, a willingness to adapt, whereas there is a viciousness about their north African counterparts I just don't care for. I have heard racial slurs out of these peoples' mouths...unless you are from a culture, like Latin American or Mediterraenean, that they perceive as similar to them. They make slurs about folks like me as 'white trash', blacks as 'the n word', Chinese in particular, Hindus, Christian Evangelicals, Jews, pleading their right to the First Amendment free speech clause, but if you dare do it to them or they see you as doing it to them even if they're not, they attack with viciousness. Gave up on 'em a long time ago. Now Mr Sponge is more Americanized, lucky enough in this economy to have a good job, detests going into Arabic speaking markets that treat English speakers like trash, but cater to the same requests in Arabic, yet tends to gravitate towards the most needy, problem prone, unstable people in his group, has something of a need to 'fix' financially unstable, new immigrants, people in troubled marriages, pushes away people who are stable and happy with their lives, and we wind up in conflict because they take out their misery on me. Whew...
Also, the smaller parks in Winthrop maybe don't have facilities becaus they're small, and this particular one was in an area that's much more residential, it was an accident that sometimes happens, but still...even this side of the beach has but a small facility that's often closed. There's much backlash against wealthy and even working middle class Americans up here, which I don't share. Hey if someone was good in math and science and has professional licensure I lack, or computer skills I like, or even inherited wealth God bless 'em, but some of what I've heard out of some of these mouths? Even the poorer Revere side of the beach has showers and facilities, the Winthrop side a little one for each sex and it's closed a lot of the time. I guess if someone works and/or is among the wealthy, they can just clog their shower drain with sand and relieve themselves in the ocean, that is some folks' mindset.
I like talk less do more. but in this case, talk more do less could be helpful.
be patient, talk to him and finalise your decision while you're in a calm mood.
Raaj.
Besides communication another comment I would make is never make a final life changing decision when upset. Even if it's tough one should wait until they are calm to make such a decision. My husband and I have disagreements; which sound in some cases simular to your own if I'm understanding things correctly, but we've had to agree on two points...(1) Respect each others opinion, and if at all possible agree to disagree and let it go...If he wants to spend time with people you don't like, fine, but not when or where it would effect you, your daughter, or, your household...That's the second thing...Never should one person in a relationship make a decision that affects the entire family or even one other without consulting his/her partner. :) Sorry, if this sounds rambling. I'm extremely tired and simply can't sleep yet. :) Good luck no matter what happens.
I agree with tiff's post about communication beeing the best thing, but speeking as someone who's parents devorced when I was about ten, I think I'll turn this on it's ear:
Now, I'll be blunt. While working it out is ideal, it is not always reality. Sometimes, cutting ties is best for all parties and that includes kids. They know when something is wrong...just putting on a brave face will not help them. What will help is beeing open with them. It will hurt at first but trust me they will thank you. It will also bring you closer. I hope this helps.
I never said that they should stay together if it doesn't work out. Like you, I agree that there are times when it's better to leave a relationship. In those cases, it's best to let your children know that no matter what happens, you'll always love them. It's just that you don't love each other in that special way that most mommies and daddies do.
Agreed 100%. I was between 8/9 when my parents got divorced, and do to the circumstances of our family life my first 2 questions were: "Will I get to see Daddy again?" And: "What took you so long Mommy?"
I had that first question answered for me right away...and it did hurt, but looking back I'm glad to have learned the truth.
Oh, we were allowed to see him, (when the courts decreed), but still, if it isn't working...Besides, I think even now that after knowing I would get to see him again, (I really was young and dumb), my primary concern was that if they could get a divorce and we could still see both why did we have to deal and cope for so long...
It's funny how as kids we think like that isn't it?
LOL, honest and much more simple than adults.
Ah but life roles on.